We all know that the holidays are filled with family and cheer. We find ourselves gliding around the kitchen preparing meals. We watch the kids race and wrestle with their cousins. We catch up with siblings or parents or the people who are our favs even though we’d never say that out loud. For all the talk that surrounds gift-giving, it has the potential to be a sweet and tender moment for families and friends. And.
And the holidays can be stressful. Really stressful. All the personalities and expectations. All the triggers and patience. All the hospitality and lack of routine. All the grief and difficulties. All the judgment and secrets. It can be a lot to manage your own emotional capacity and boundaries during the holidays. So, today I (Brooke) would like to offer you my list for making sure I don’t stab anyone this holiday season. Perhaps you need it too.
I'm going to have my favorite pizza.
When you order a pizza do you repeatedly refresh the tracker to see where it is? And then stare out the blinds like you’re awaiting the arrival of your only son returning from war? No? Me either.
I'm going to drink out of my Mama's wine glasses
See A Story of Emergence https://herfullself.bulletin.com/1337048746729156
I'm going to drink boxed wine.
Yes, I said boxed wine! There's something about a free flowing spout of vino that makes me feel like I’m doing amazing in life.
I'm going to go to Michaels
Just like the other side of an old school oscillating sprinkler, I'm pretty sure the automatic doors of Michaels are a vortex to another dimension. Instantly I feel transported to my happy place. The smell of a cinnamon broom makes me feel all tingly.
Not sure there's a problem that can't be fixed with a glue gun - well except Global Warming, world hunger, Covid-19… okay, maybe a lot of things but still.
I'm going to sniff a baby's neck
Oh yes, I’m going to get my Uncle Joe on. It’s like Xanax for the nostrils.
I'm going to have some fresh squeezed orange juice from Whole Foods
It's expensive but I feel like I'm kissing God directly on the lips when I'm drinking it.
I'm going to think about all the good advice I’ve received over the years.
“He's an emotional squatter.” - A Therapist
“It's your next decision, not your last.” - Austin Brown
“Do you really want to watch his sausage being made?” - Austin’s Dad
“You do not have to accommodate bullshit.” - My oldest sister
“Wake up everyday and tell a man to kiss your ass.” - My Mother
Y’all, once when I was hurt over some stupid guy, I climbed into my gray ‘87 Toyota in full meltdown mode. I was holding the wheel with a spork in my hand, trying to multi-task before work. When I turned the corner and the wheel, I stabbed myself in the thigh. This made me burst out in laughter through my tears. It also made me aware of the song that was playing on the radio. It was by The Main Ingredient:
“Everybody plays the fool sometime
There's no exception to the rule
Listen, baby, it may be factual, may be cruel
I ain't lyin', everybody plays the fool.”
(Now I can’t say that they wrote this advice only for me… but the timing suggests they knew.)
I'm going to dream
I've always dreamt of playing a corpse on Law and Order SVU. I'd be a plus sized sex worker dressed in fishnets, a mini skirt and a cropped bubble coat with fur around the collar. Ice T would fire off one of his classic one liners, something like "Guess this little piggy never made it to the market" or "damn, she caught more than she bargained for in those fishnets." Listen. You have your dreams and I have mine.
I'm going to practice gratitude
I remember some years back crying in my car (Hmph, I seem to cry in cars a lot) and I pulled into an empty parking lot. At that moment I happened to catch the sun setting in a pink and orange lit sky. It was spectacular. Sounds cheesy but it really was a very pivotal point in my life. There was beauty all around me and it made me realize I was too focused on everything that was wrong. And if I left my focus there, I was always going to feel like something was wrong. I thought about all the things I was grateful for. Namely my friends and family. Thinking about my siblings made me cry even more but this time in the most astounding, loving way. From that point something as simple as shifting my perspective made all the difference.
I'm going to think about my favorite quotes
"We're all four or five bad decisions away from shitting in a bucket." - Matt Paxton, Hoarders
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi
“You can't change the world by locking yourself away from it.” - Captain Manzini, Garbage Pail Kids
I’m going to read my favorite poems
Love After Love - Derek Walcott
The Type - Sarah Kay
I want to apologize… - Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey
Most Like an Arch This Marriage - John Ciardi
without any assistance or guidance from you… - Ntozake Shange, For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf
I'm going to not sweat the small stuff
I've come to the conclusion that you can't really have nice things with children around; they seem to go out of their way to ruin it. The other day my niece put a huge water ring on my coffee table to match the previous ring she’d put there a month ago. But we had an amazing weekend together, so in the grand scheme of things, who the F bomb cares?!
I'm going to have a cigar
Maybe I’ll have two!
I'm going to the gun range
Not only because one day I may need to shoot a zombie, but it's empowering, fun and a great stress reliever.
I’m going to go ice skating
I’m actually terrible at it! But there is something about watching my little cousins, generally falling, on the ice that makes me happy to be home.
I'm going to practice self care
Self care isn't necessarily reciting affirmations on a bear skin rug in front of a fireplace while doing kegels. For me, self care is sometimes as simple as managing to wash my hair weekly. I’m determined to take time for me.
I’m going to continue my workout routine
I don’t want to spend the New Year mad at myself for how I ended the previous year. Okay!? But also, this year I’ve worked out via facetime with my cousins five times a week. This year is also the longest I’ve been consistent with working out. It made me realize I’m always more successful with my self care habits when I’ve got my tribe.
I’m going to try to stay present
I spend a lot of time in my head. It is so easy to think about what needs to be done. I wonder if I’m not doing enough. I worry over the little things. Sometimes I just let my mind drift and find myself having missed the conversation happening right in front of me. This holiday, I am really going to try to just BE. Be with the people I love and be in the moment.
AND I'm going to unapologetically listen to the Temptation’s Christmas album!
What’s on your list for making sure you don’t stab anyone this holiday season?
